1. |
[dream #1]
01:17
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i was told that i have reasons not to forgive you
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2. |
Saturday Morning
04:33
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I got a call from an old friend
He sounded breathless on the other end
But I couldn’t understand a single word he said
So I just hung up again
Some friend I am
You explained yourself
I got drunk and cried
And we laid together for the final time
But even as I told myself to enjoy what still was mine
I just couldn’t sleep that night
So I went outside
And when the sun came up Saturday morning
You still couldn’t know
I had gone with no plan for returning
When the winter’s over, I’ll be born again
My friends will see me and they’ll say:
“It’s nice to see you, Ben
Where have you been? I hope you didn’t let their opinion get inside your head”
But of course that’s what I did
I know I said what I said
And you can always take it back
But you can also never take it back
And even once you’ve had the thought, there’s no point in
Pretending you’re not on the opposite track
From the track you’re used to in your own curated careful brain
It’s just not enough to feel the lack
It’s just never gonna feel the same
So please help wake me up Saturday morning
I need something else
Help me throw myself out into nothing
I wish that I could see you more often than I do
I wish that when I did, I could see right through you
I wish that I were different, I wish I could learn to change
I wish the skeletons inside my closet would behave
And I wish I knew the future, and I wish I knew your mind
I wish I could control my life one moment at a time
I hope that I can learn before I’m fully off the deep end
It’s just too much to handle in a single weekend
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3. |
Red Diamond
04:53
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Oh boy, oh boy, can you hear it beneath you now?
What you buried in the yard under the rocks and snow
Cold and sour, you can’t let it go, oh boy
Carry the map and the spade in your old coal soul
Her heart is like the red diamond on the end of a cigarette
In the dark on the way home, driving alone
Hot and heavy but it goes out just like that
“You got a light, boy? One more before I go”
I don’t know if my heart can take it
But it’s not like I’ve been trying to protect my heart, oh boy
Oh boy, oh boy, can you feel it within you now?
Given the chance to be saved, how could you turn that down?
You wouldn’t trust her in the light, so in the light, trust me
You’re so forgetful, why can’t you forget a feeling?
But you know everything, you see it all a frame at a time
The thoughts of everyone projected on a screen in your mind
In the land of prying eyes, to be invisible is king
She opens up with a smile and you know nothing
And I don’t know if my heart can take it
But it’s not like I’ve been trying to protect my heart, oh boy
I don’t know if my heart can take it
But it’s not like I’ve been trying to protect my heart, oh boy
Forget forget it, you’re a villain
I’d not regret it for a minute
If I could reconcile that broken bottleneck of your decision
Give me strength to suffer through it
White knuckle pen on paper view it
And hope to god that I can use it and bring back something worth forgiving
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4. |
Submarine
04:28
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In time, the telephone lines go up and come back down
The fresh pavement fossilizes older city streets
Every building gets new faces; even road signs show their ages
The days put them through their paces, erased and history
And hand in hand, the boy in the band grows up to get knocked down
He used to think the money and the time were heaven spent
Is he lazy or just tired? Internal rhymes are uninspired
Why can’t there be a satisfying way to pay the rent?
I’m giving up on love
But love, god damn it, won’t give up on me
Haven’t you seen enough
To know I can’t make it what you want it to be?
Oh, why do I take my time?
Why do I pace around in a room inside my mind
Just to find
The room isn’t even mine?
That’s how it always starts:
A square peg stuck in a round hole in my heart
Good god, I expected to figure myself out
I kind of feel like that should be a job for someone else
If I’m wrong I’ll stand corrected, but we live to be connected
And there’s too much in a person to find out without some help
Good god, this is too deep a channel to dive down
I’m gonna need a better, brighter, watertight-er submarine
And in my ears your voice remains; you swim secret in my veins
I thought that I was known, but no, I wasn’t really seen at all, it seems!
I’m giving up on love
But love, god damn it, won’t give up on me, no
Haven’t you seen enough
To know I can’t make it what you want it to be?
Oh, why do I take my time?
Why do I pace around in a room inside my mind
Just to find
The room isn’t even mine?
That’s how it always starts:
Do you believe me?
I have been known to lie
You don’t even know my mind
I was afraid to lose
But now I’m afraid to try
What if I never choose
To look with clearer eyes?
That’s what I have to do
But now I’m running out of time!
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5. |
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Tonight I’ll break bottles about you
To the people who became my friends
It won’t be the same without you
We tie knots; we cut the ends
Am I surprised to feel so trapped inside?
I made my little bed to lie in
I locked the doors, I shut the blinds
I gave myself the sense of trying
Tonight I’ll break bottles about you
To the people that I love the most
It won’t be the same without you
You always suffered with the host
I prayed to you, eternal quitter:
Help me keep the things that matter
Clear away the dust and glitter
Love and work just make me sadder
Deliver me from selfish men
Don’t tell me if I’m one of them
Life was shades of grey back then
Life is shades of grey again
Tonight I’ll break bottles about you
To the people who forgot your name
It won’t be the same without you
But then, it never was the same
Am I surprised to feel so trapped inside?
I locked the doors, I shut the blinds
I made my little bed to lie in
I gave myself the sense of trying
Deliver me from selfish men
Don’t tell me if I’m one of them
Life was shades of grey back then
Life is shades of grey again
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6. |
[dream #2]
01:15
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7. |
Lorule
03:18
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8. |
Make & Model
03:51
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You know he gave me a look
You know it gave me that sinking feeling
I’m still looking up at the ceiling and I still feel his eyes on me
You know I’m so full of shit!
You know I’m plastic and he sees right through it
It’s a classic case of they said, she said, I just sat and smoked his weed
Here’s how it’s gonna be:
It isn’t safe so I’ll stay in my room tonight
It couldn’t wait so I floored it through that red light
Giving away every secret in mind
I figured you would be all right
And so I’ll leave the door open just in case
You wanna come hang with me tomorrow
I’m not gonna hold my breath you come around
But you know that I always check the plates
Whenever I see that make & model
Because I wonder if you’re on my side of town
What was the point? What was I supposed to learn?
Am I supposed to be different or better after burning and getting burned?
What was the point? Why did I neglect it til it fell apart?
Am I supposed to know the difference between my body, my head, and my heart?
I’m not about to forget
I’m not about to ask you to forget it
I’m just hoping that the weight of my regret doesn’t rest on you
You know, I know what it’s like
To feel like someone is at home in your life
And then to wake up after one bad night to find they never want to leave their room
Here’s what you’re gonna do:
Put on your coat, you can weather the wind and snow
To stay afloat, you’ll need every trick you know
And when you go, go with what you believe
I wish that you could count on me
That’s why I’ll leave the door open just in case
You wanna come hang with me tomorrow
I’m not gonna hold my breath you come around
But you know that I always check the plates
Whenever I see that make & model
Because I wonder if you’re on my side of town
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9. |
The Near Miss
04:46
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What are you so afraid of, dear?
Do you even want me here?
You know I know you do
Is it too late to hang one more up for love
In spite of what we put each other through?
When you classify this gesture, it'll be incomplete
You're gonna say I was a wasp nest, but I know you're a honeybee
You're the devil on my shoulder, I'm the demon on your back
Look me in the eye and tell me it's enough to feel the lack
When I'm with you
I almost miss you too
Isn't this what you wanted from the start?
My bed as an altar, you pray for my heart
It sounds wrong when you say it but it needs to be heard
You know how we hang meaning on every word
When you classify this gesture, it'll serve you well
The rising sun encouraging you out of your shell
It's the part that you don't mention, it's the choice you never made
You're still shackled to the wall and watching shadows in the cave
It was over quick
Do I still make you feel sick?
It's too much / it's still not enough
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10. |
People Don't Change
05:24
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I hope it gets better
I hope it gets better with time
It’s nice to know that something’s on my side
Rolling over at 3 AM for the hundredth time
Those selfish things I hear myself repeating
I take a breath and I find myself dreaming again
Of a car at night
The snow making shadows by headlights
Your hand in mine as I make a prayer to Father Time
But you can never take back What Sarah Said
It always ends up Brothers On A Hotel Bed
And people don’t change, and if they do
It’s not in the way you want them to
That boy found god at the end of an endless list of problems
He knows he will live to see if he finds a way to solve them
I’m a lot like him, but I never believed in god
And I believed in myself once, but now I’m just dreaming again
Of a different time
When I could still see the sunrise
Without imagining what it would feel like
To stumble away from you and everyone
And the boarded up streets where I used to run
And learn to live again
Without the cold comfort of my old friends
Because people don’t change, and if they do
It’s not in the way you want them to
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11. |
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I never got to dance with you, but if I had,
It would have gone like this:
You would’ve been pretty, but the whole time I’d be trying
To pretend I knew the steps
So I wouldn’t hear you asking me to stay another song
Before I finish my drink and leave
I know I never could’ve danced with you, ‘cause in the end,
I would’ve had to know you
And what’s worse, I would’ve had to know me
Give me a minute
I need a minute and a drink, but the drink I’ll get myself
Is there anything you need? Is there a way that I can help?
If you’re getting warm, we can step outside
If you’re getting cold, just stay close to me
I’m so forgetful, I don’t want to forget the feeling
You never asked me for a thing, and still I’m racing to provide it
There’s a part of me that’s empty and I want desperately to hide it
As if you don’t already know, as if you aren’t five steps ahead
As if I thought I could convince you I believed in what I said
I feel rejected and forgotten, it doesn’t matter what you do
I know I did this to myself and now I’m pinning it to you
How can I ever ask for patience if I’m not trying to get it right?
Why is it always this god awful selfish dream every night?
I feel you pushing me away, I feel you running through the door
I’m looking through you to a fear I can no longer ignore
And from the outside I’m the same but there’s no longer a connection
I was staring deep into your eyes until I noticed my reflection
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12. |
[dream #3]
01:06
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13. |
The Cave, pt. 1
05:49
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Every scrap of paper
Up on my bedroom wall
All of my hopeless gestures
You deserve them all
The picture in my wallet
The stain upon my shirt
You in your matching bralette
And black a-line skirt
The early morning prayer
The afternoon regret
The evening I can’t picture
The night I can’t forget
You are a wasp nest person
And I am out of pride
Which is to say: I love you
Which is to say: goodbye
Goodbye
If you don’t dream enough
You won’t know how to feel
But if you dream too much
You’ll start to think it’s real
I’ve gotten lost again
I hope it’s not for long
They say that getting better
Starts with admitting something’s wrong
The details sometimes change
But you know you live inside my brain
And you’re the only one who ever knew me like that
You’re the only one who ever knew me like that
If there was any doubt
In your mind what this was all about:
You’re the only one who ever knew me like that
You’re the only one who ever knew me like that
So now I know what I’ve got left
It’s time to do what I do best now:
Hey, it’s me
I know you’re afraid of changing
I know you’re looking out of your window lately
It’s hard to see but not hard to believe
After all, it’s the same cops you see on TV
There’s something buried here
It’s the source of so much doubt and fear
And your parents won’t say its name, but in ten years
It’ll put us underwater anyway
So I need you! We need everyone we can get!
The truth is it isn’t over yet
But if it’s up to them, they’ll make sure you get bitter
They only win if they make you a quitter
I hope you can sort out what’s weighing on your mind
I hope you can break the ties that bind
I hope we come out with our hearts intact
And I hope that when you get this, you call me back
Yeah, I hope that when you get this, you call me back
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The Heavy Forgiveness Cleveland, Ohio
a big rock and roll machine from clevo
contact benwolg@gmail.com
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